TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
22-year-old Hermes Callijas-Gasperin of Florida was arrested for allegedly pelting his mother with sausages inside the kitchen of their Bradenton residence. Cops charge that Callijas-Gasperin battered his 41-year-old mother after asking her to make him some food.
The victim agreed to prepare a meal, but asked her son “to give her a few minutes due to being busy.” The unemployed Callijas-Gasperin became angry when asked to wait. He “threw the remaining sausages” at his mother, with one sausage striking her in the right eye.
He also allegedly pushed the victim backwards and placed his hands around her neck. Callijas-Gasperin contended that he had done nothing wrong, adding that he would not have tossed the sausages if his mother would have “said sorry.”
Callijas-Gasperin was busted for misdemeanor domestic battery and booked into the county jail, where he remains locked up on $750 bond. Upon his release, Callijas-Gasperin has been ordered to stay at least 500 feet away from his mother.
AND THEN THERE’S……
A North Dakota man tweaking on meth stripped off his clothes and went into a church’s baptismal font before emerging to walk toward the altar while masturbating, an affront witnessed by seventy-five individuals attending mass.
The 9:00 a.m. mass at Spirit of Life Church was interrupted when 21-year-old Zachary Burdick appeared in the entryway of the Roman Catholic church in Mandan, a city about five miles from Bismarck.
A female church employee called police after Burdick disrobed and entered the font, where he was “masturbating facing the altar.” She added that Burdick then “began walking down the aisle toward the altar while still masturbating.”
When confronted by police, Burdick reportedly said that he was “tweaking” on meth and admitted to using hashish oil. Burdick was charged with felony indecent exposure and disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor. He made his initial appearance last week in Morton County District Court.
OR HOW ABOUT……
The Kansas man caught in a carnal encounter with a car’s tailpipe has been sentenced to probation in connection with the autoerotic act. 24-year-old Ryan Malek recently pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of lewd and lascivious behavior that was filed in Municipal Court in Newton, a Wichita suburb.
In June, Malek was named in a criminal complaint charging him with repeatedly trying to have sex with the tailpipe of a parked vehicle. Malek was accused of exposing himself with the intent of arousing or gratifying “sexual desires.”
According to cops, Malek was intoxicated when he sought to have sex with the car. His blood alcohol content was recorded at more than four times the legal limit following his May 1st arrest.
Police responding to a 9-1-1 call about a man beneath an auto discovered an “oblivious” Malek seeking to place his penis in the vehicle’s tailpipe. When Malek ignored police demands that he cease trysting with the auto, an officer tased him. He was then handcuffed and taken to a local hospital.
OKAY, ONE MORE……
A man suspected of robbing a Wichita bank earlier this week spent time in federal prison after pleading guilty to robbing the same bank seven years ago. Federal prosecutors say 50-year-old Brent Allen Drees, of Wichita, is charged with one count of bank robbery.
They allege Drees walked into the Conway Bank on Tuesday and gave the teller a note saying, “Give me $3,000 and you won’t get hurt.” The Wichita Eagle reports Drees was released from federal prison in July 2017 after serving a 46-month sentence for bank robbery.
Federal court records show Drees previously pleaded guilty to two Wichita bank robberies, including the Conway Bank in September 2011 and the Emprise Bank later that month. Similar notes were used in all three bank robberies.