TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
Arkansas cops are stumped as to why an accused shoplifter was wearing a Holstein cow costume when she recently swiped allergy medicine from a Walmart store.
Police in Pine Bluff were at the store Tuesday afternoon as Walmart workers monitored suspect Ashley Curry, who “was dressed as a black and white Holstein cow, complete with four pink udders in her lower abdomen area.”
The 27-year-old woman allegedly hid a package of Flonase in her coat pocket and headed for the store exit. As she departed the retailer, Curry was met by a Pine Bluff Police Department patrolman and a Walmart loss prevention officer, who then escorted Curry and a male companion back inside.
Once Curry reached the security office, a policeman named Officer Wiegand summoned a female officer to conduct a pat down for “weapons and other merchandise.” At this point, Curry stuck out her stomach and told Wiegand that he could “suck a pink cow udder.”
Curry was busted for shoplifting and resisting arrest and booked into the Jefferson County jail on the misdemeanor counts. Asked why Curry was dressed in a cow costume, a police spokesperson said, “No explanation was ever given.”
AND THEN THERE’S……
According to a police report, a threesome went terribly wrong Monday night when a South Carolina woman high on meth and heroin allegedly attempted to bite off the genitals of a male with whom she was trysting.
Cops were summoned around 9:30 PM on October 22nd to an apartment complex in Hanahan, a city about fifteen miles north of Charleston. A 9-1-1 caller reported an assault “where the female attempted to bite off” his penis.
Upon arriving at the residence, cops spotted “a naked white female on hands and knees” crawling into a hallway. The woman, covered in blood, ignored police commands to stop moving and was “charging toward the Officers.”
The woman, cops noted, had “already threatened to bite off the victim’s penis as well.” When the suspect continued to advance on officers, a patrolman “engaged his taser on the female.”
The suspect, identified as 26-year-old Cameo Louise Luchka, told police that she had used heroin and methamphetamine that evening. While cops have classified the incident as an aggravated assault, investigators are still reviewing the matter and no arrest has been made.
OR HOW ABOUT……
A stockpile of weapons, including loaded handguns and a semi-automatic rifle, was found in the back of a truck after Florida police found the driver passed out behind the wheel.
32-year-old David Goldammer was arrested after officers found him unconscious in his pickup with the engine running and parked in front of an alley in Miami Beach around 1:00 a.m. ET on Thursday.
Police said they could smell alcohol coming from the car and Goldammer almost fell when they told him to get out of the vehicle. Two open beer bottles were found in the truck, as well as two loaded handguns. He also had a gun in the waistband of his pants.
Officers ordered Goldammer to perform a field sobriety test, but he refused and was taken into custody. A search of his vehicle turned up two more loaded handguns, a semi-automatic rifle, a pocketknife with a swastika on it, a bullet-resistant vest and a large amount of ammunition.
Police have not said why Goldammer, from South Dakota, had the stockpile in his car or what he was doing in the area. Goldammer was charged with DUI, openly carrying a weapon and carrying a concealed firearm.
OKAY, ONE MORE……
Local authorities in New Jersey say a man who allegedly has been dumping bags of dirty diapers at intersections throughout Franklin Township for the past year has been caught.
68-year-old William Friedman was spotted making his latest drop around 3:15 a.m. Sunday. He was processed and issued multiple township ordinances. Police could count on Friedman to be regular.
Lieutenant Matthew DeCesari said, “He would do it at least three times a week at different intersections. He would do it a couple of months in one area and then move to a different intersection. We could never get a time down.”
Following a traffic stop, Friedman was taken to police headquarters, where he was interviewed about the diapers. According to an affidavit of probable cause filed by police, “He admitted to dropping these bags multiple times at multiple different intersections throughout the past 10 months.”