TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
A group of Northwest Colorado residents were arrested after an alleged drug deal went wrong. One man attempted to assault another after he tried to sell him coffee that he claimed was heroin.
Several others face charges of child abuse because an infant was in the vehicle when two people allegedly threatened the occupants of the vehicle with a billy club and a handgun.
According to court documents, 34-year-old Jessie Partlow of Oak Creek was arrested on suspicion of selling a counterfeit controlled substance and misdemeanor child abuse. 20-year-old Joseph Selbach was arrested on suspicion of two counts of menacing and one count each of robbery and second-degree assault.
Surveillance footage from a local business showed what appeared to be a drug deal between Partlow and Selbach. When he was apprehended, Partlow told officers he needed money and tried to pass coffee off as heroin.
AND THEN THERE’S……
A southern Utah man faces aggravated assault charges after allegedly firing several shots at a truck driving through a camping area to scare its occupants away. 32-year-old Daniel Trent Patterson was charged with four counts of aggravated assault, a third-degree felony.
According to an affidavit, Patterson called police and reported that a truck had almost hit an RV and another vehicle in the Hurricane and Warner Valley area — prompting him to shoot at it.
Police said Patterson told them the truck stopped, he saw movement in it, and “he thought they were possibly grabbing for a weapon so he fired again wanting to put as many rounds into the back of their truck in hopes that would scare them off and make them leave faster.”
The four people who were inside the truck told police they drove past the RV to get to a road behind it on the way to hunt rabbits in the valley. According to the affidavit, the area where the RV was parked has “multiple dirt roads, entrances, and exits” and is often used for camping and staging.
OR HOW ABOUT……
A California man was arrested in Davis County, Utah after he allegedly bit a large chunk of another man’s ear off following an argument about conspiracy theories.
43-year-old Bryan David Boyack is charged with one count of mayhem, three counts of domestic violence in the presence of a child, one count of criminal mischief, and one count of intoxication.
Investigators said Boyack was in a hot tub with the victim who mentioned that he worked for a big banking business. Boyack took issue with that, and began an “extremely heated” argument about big corporations and conspiracy theories.
The victim then locked Boyack out of his home and Boyack began hitting the front of the house with patio furniture. The victim went outside to tell Boyack to stop damaging the home, and that’s when he was attacked.
Boyack allegedly held the victim to the ground and bit off a large chunk of his ear. Boyack then got into his truck and drove off. The victim detailed his attack to detectives at a hospital. Boyack was taken into custody after turning himself in to police.
OKAY, ONE MORE……
Police in Perth, Australia, thought they had a potentially tragic incident on their hands when they were called to a house after a report of a toddler screaming and a man shouting death threats.
Multiple police units arrived at a property on Wednesday morning after a neighbor heard a child’s piercing screams and a man repeatedly yelling, “Why don’t you die?” Fearing the worst, officers responded to the incident only to find a man had simply been trying to kill a spider.
Wanneroo Police posted the original incident report on Twitter with the caption: “Never a dull moment for police!” Upon arrival, an embarrassed man told the police he was terrified of spiders and had been trying to kill one that had found its way into the house.
The police report concluded, “No injuries sighted, except to spider, no further police involvement required.” Wanneroo Police have since deleted the post, as it contained police communications, but confirmed to the Guardian that the bizarre incident had occurred.