TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
A Florida Man denied ownership of three syringes removed from his rectum during a 4:30 a.m. strip search at a county jail. Cops arrested 40-year-old Wesley Scott early last Friday on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession.
While being searched in the field, Scott denied having any illegal items concealed on or in his body. But when Scott arrived at the Pinellas County jail and was subjected to a strip search, he “removed three syringes from his rectum and provided them” to a jailer.
Scott then claimed that he “found” the syringes and that “they were not his.” This explanation did not stop officials from charging Scott with introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony. He is being held on a $5,000 bond.
The court filing does not reveal whether Scott named the purported owner of the syringes that had been found in his rectum. Or whether that individual had consented to his works being stored in such a facility.
AND THEN THERE’S……
A patron was arrested after causing a disturbance at a Florida café when he was served a Philly cheesesteak sandwich on a sesame seed bun. According to investigators, 27-year-old Joseph Lagana was collared yesterday afternoon at the Gunn Highway Flea Market in Odessa, a Tampa suburb.
As detailed in a complaint affidavit, Lagana “began a verbal altercation” with a cashier after “getting a sesame seed bun on a Philly cheesesteak.” Lagana ordered the cheesesteak from Missy Mae’s Café inside the flea market.
The classic Philly cheesesteak comes on a smooth, seed-free hoagie roll. Cops say that after Lagana argued with the cashier, he “engaged in an altercation with a male who did not wish to press charges for battery.” When sheriff’s deputies questioned Lagana, he “was being loud and argumentative to multiple patrons at the flea market.”
Lagana, who appeared “heavily intoxicated evidenced by slurred speech and loss of fine motor skills,” was arrested for disorderly intoxication, a misdemeanor. Lagana’s rap sheet includes a multitude of arrests for crimes like battery, burglary, and criminal mischief.
OR HOW ABOUT……
A woman in Palm Beach County was arrested after allegedly assaulting her parents when they refused to take her to an Outback restaurant. 28-year-old Deana Seltzer was charged with domestic battery, battery on a person 65 years of age or older, and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
The victim’s mother told police that Seltzer asked to go to Outback. When the mother said no, that’s when Seltzer became enraged and began punching her chest and arms. Police said Seltzer’s father tried to break up the fight, and she began assaulting him. He received scratches to his face and upper body.
Officials said Seltzer then began running around the home and flipped over a large glass table, recliners, and other pieces of furniture. She then ripped a 12-inch decorative knife off a wall and ran toward her father while screaming, “I’m going to [EXPLETIVE] kill you.”
He was able to grab her arm and wrestle the knife from her. Police arrived on scene and set up a perimeter around the home. Seltzer eventually ran out of the home and was taken into custody. Officials said the first thing Seltzer said to responding officers was: “They should have taken me to Outback and this wouldn’t have happened.”
OKAY, ONE MORE……
Heather Carpenter, a substitute teacher at Phillippi Shores Elementary School, will be arraigned Friday for allegedly sabotaging the principal’s party at a Sarasota park by dumping human feces on the grills and tables.
Police said 42-year-old Carpenter was angry over a complaint she filed at school and wanted revenge on the principal. The sub allegedly was witnessed in rubber gloves and a face mask around 6:30 a.m. Dec. 1st at Urfer Park putting fecal matter around the pavilion, which was reserved for the birthday party of the principal’s 6-year-old daughter.
Officers spoke to the principal who explained she had an ongoing dispute with a substitute teacher, who taught her daughter’s class. The detectives went to the home of Carpenter, who allegedly confessed to the act of revenge.
She told officers she flung the poop around the pavilion because she was upset over how a complaint she filed at school was being handled and wanted to disrupt the birthday festivities. Carpenter was arrested Dec. 7 on suspicion of criminal mischief.