TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
Cops reported that a 79-year-old Ohio man called police to complain about the quality of “sexual services” rendered by a pair of prostitutes he paid $500 to visit his home.
The elderly man, who lives in a Cleveland suburb, dialed 9-1-1 on January 3rd to report a robbery. The john, identified in a police report as William Batts, said that while the hookers “did perform some sexual services,” the duo “failed to meet expectations.”
Thankfully, police did not further describe the elderly man’s carnal desires. During a conversation with a police dispatcher, Batts said that he was “in the process of getting robbed” by “two ladies” who took $500 from his wallet.
By the time cops arrived at the complainant’s home, the prostitutes had departed. Batts told officers that he had met the women through a friend in Cleveland. He described the hookers as “African American females, approximately 40 years old, and dressed all in black.
Batts said one woman was about 5’ 7”, while the second hooker, named Keisha, “is the short fat one.” Though the pensioner contended he had been victimized, officers explained that his unsatisfactory encounter with the women did not constitute an actual robbery attempt.
AND THEN THERE’S……
An Australian man who twice tried to set fire to a speed camera has pleaded guilty to two property damage offences. 40-year-old Russell Weribone admitted to the bizarre attack in November last year during a brief appearance in Adelaide Magistrates Court on Tuesday.
The single father-of-two had used a fuel-soaked sock in his second attempt to torch the camera on the corner of Greenhill Road and Anzac Highway, the court previously heard.
The blaze was started roughly three hours after the first one was quickly extinguished. Weribone also pleaded guilty to a separate offence of failing to truly answer police questions in relation to an incident in March last year.
The self-employed electrician was remanded on continuing bail to appear for sentencing submissions in March. He declined to comment outside court.
OR HOW ABOUT……
According to a Casper, Wyoming police report, A blow-up Frosty the Snowman survived an attack by an intoxicated woman early Monday morning. Two officers responded to a disturbance at 2:47 a.m. where a woman had come to a man’s apartment in the building and barged inside.
The man said he heard banging on his door, opened it, and Alexis Sue Burns pushed her way inside, unwelcome and unknown by him. He asked her who she was, what was wrong, and she told him to “sit the f–k down” before he picked her up and pushed her outside.
He locked the door, called police, and described the younger woman who was wearing a black shirt and no coat. She walked down a stairway and the man was able to hear her screaming and yelling outside and in the street. Then it got really weird.
According to the police report, “Upon arrival, the officer observed the described female wrestling with a blow-up snowman Christmas decoration in front of Magic City Stoves.” Burns was taken into custody for public intoxication and malicious mischief.
OKAY, ONE MORE……
Ontario Provincial Police are reminding the public about the proper use of the 9-1-1 system after operators in Norfolk County recently received a wasteful call from a woman who was concerned about the company her teenage daughter was keeping.
OPP say that the emergency call was made at around 6:55 p.m. on January 3rd. They say that through an investigation it was determined that the woman’s 17-year-old daughter was planning to spend time with friends and refused to stay home. The teen’s mother did not like those friends and decided to call 9-1-1.
The call came just a few days after Hamilton police revealed that nearly one-third of all 911 calls they fielded in 2018 were for non-emergency matters, including calls for cold fast food, a sick cat, and a noise coming from a lightbulb.
The OPP’s Norfolk County detachment said in a press release: “The use of 9-1-1 is for police, fire or medical emergencies when someone’s health, safety or property is in jeopardy, or a crime is in progress.” Misuse of the 9-1-1 system can result in a mischief charge, though police have not laid charges in this case.