TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… Police last night broke up a funeral in New Jersey and charged fifteen men–including a 100-year-old mourner–with violating the state’s ban on public gatherings during the coronavirus crisis. According to police, officers found “about sixty to seventy individuals gathered for a funeral” on a street corner in […]
TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… 26-year-old North Carolina nitwit Eugene Heffner is behind bars after being arrested for allegedly coughing at a Walmart shopper and then declaring that he had the Coronavirus. Heffner was at a Walmart near his home when he “purposely coughed at a customer” and claimed to be infected with COVID-19. After police […]
TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… 26-year-old North Carolina nitwit Eugene Heffner is behind bars after being arrested for allegedly coughing at a Walmart shopper and then declaring that he had the Coronavirus. Heffner was at a Walmart near his home when he “purposely coughed at a customer” and claimed to be infected with COVID-19. After police […]
TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… A Maryland man was arrested on Friday night for violating a state coronavirus order when he hosted a massive bonfire party. 41-year-old Shawn Marshall Myers was busted after refusing multiple orders to disperse the crowd of sixty people at his Hughesville home. The sheriff’s office said Myers was charged with failure […]
TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… For Jahrea Raheem Wallace, a desperate time allegedly called for a desperate measure. The 25-year-old Floridian–seated in the rear of a police cruiser after being arrested following a 2:40 a.m. traffic stop–sought to dispose of some narcotics on his person. Well, actually, in his person. According to an arrest affidavit, a […]
TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… State Police out of Ridgway, Pennsylvania have charged a Dagus Mines man after allegedly breaking into his parent’s home while they were in Florida. The incident happened just before 11:00 a.m. on March 18th. Police report that 43-year-old Michael Knepp was advised to stay off of the property while his parents […]
TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… Like any good Florida story, this one begins with a naked couple brawling inside a car parked at the mall. Late Sunday evening, cops responded to the Clearwater Mall after receiving a report about a fight in progress. Witnesses told officers that after hearing a woman screaming “within the parking lot,” […]
TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO…… Cops say that a man arrested Saturday for auto theft claimed the coronavirus made him do it. According to investigators, in late-January 70-year-old Alvin Rementer pawned his 2000 Chevrolet Silverado for $1,500 at Pawn Depot in St. Petersburg, Florida. An arrest affidavit states that since turning over the title to his […]